Well aren’t we all…to something? My morning latte ritual (homemade) had been disrupted while I was doing a cleanse. It made me stop and realize my deep attachment to the ritual, the taste and ok the caffeine…yes the BUZZ!!
This particular addiction happens to be one of my least damaging ones. I am proud to say…that I am skilled at making things I like into the healthiest versions possible. And I tried that with my drinking and drug use. I only drank organic wine and my pot was pesticide free…I was the holistic addict!
I now can share this journey of the darkest despair that I have ever known to the blissful joy I now live!
My early years a s a child were so lovely. We were pretty much a happy, healthy family…lots of laughter and love. My father was a holistic chiropractor back in the 60’s in NY…a man ahead of his time. In 1966 he was killed in front of our home…a sight and day that changed my life. The bubble that I created around me was my protection from the horror I witnessed and was living in.
That bubble was filled with sugar and many years later with alcohol…then pot to help me feel normal and deal with life. It felt like “I was home”. I also felt a sense of connection to “God”…Spirit and a “Universal Intelligence”. What I realize now is that this feeling was mostly a bio-chemical reaction to a broken brain that felt better with these chemicals!!
So for all the years I drank and smoked pot…I could have had a natural replacement for these??? Well…yes…but it involves a wee bit more than that. It is a “lifestyle change” as well! A deeper look into the anxiety and depression I was experiencing…that was not only a result of the trauma, divorce, etc…but my own personal bio-chemical brain imbalance!
My days of darkness were so intense!!! Suicide felt like the only option! How could I think of suicide? I had two beautiful children, a family who loved me, great friends. None of that mattered then…my brain and body were so broken and sick that relief was all that I was seeking!
So from my sugar addiction as a child and young adult to my alcohol, pot (and a few other drugs here and there) I am now the keeper of a healthy body, brain and soul! Yes they are all interconnected. Like a 3 legged stool that cannot stand upright unless all 3 are well. Is there hope? You bet there is! I am a living example of this. Never in my darkest days would I have thought I could feel this way without my drugs and alcohol. As my nephew’s friends inquired about me to him “Dude what drugs is your Aunt on”? My joy, bliss and humor had to be related to a drug? I am proud to say my drug of choice now is..food, brain nutrients, hiking, skiing, laughing, yoga, dance, meditation, healthy relationships, giving to others and LOVE!
PS…I still have my latte!!!
The Holistic Gourmet
There is Hope…
A Personalized Recovery Program